My coworkers have no
idea how out of control my life is, though my work is beginning to
show the effect. I am addicted to online gambling, something that
has become obvious to me after I decided twice to stop and was
unable to. I get a rush from gambling unlike anything else, and I
keep wanting more. There have been times when I have been winning,
money which could have provided a needed cushion against the
prospect of layoff in these difficult times, but instead of
stopping, I push the betting further until, ultimately, I have lost
much more than I ever won.
It's been hard to admit
that I have no ability to harness my intellect or capacity for
lawyerly logic to override the drive to gamble. Since I'm single,
there is no dismayed spouse to face. But the combination of the Web
sites themselves and my worries about unpaid bills and mounting
debt is distracting me from the work that my colleagues believe I'm
handling. What can I do to turn things around before I am
discovered and discarded?
The "rush" that you describe seems
to be a common denominator between compulsive gambling and
stimulating addictive drugs, especially for those who have been
termed "action-seeker" gamblers (as opposed to "escape-seekers").
As with such drugs, many gamblers experience subjective withdrawal
symptoms when the activity is interrupted, and there is a risk of
relapse even after years of abstinence (with little or no chance of
turning into a "moderate" gambler).
Interestingly, new kinds of brain
scans used in neuropsychological research show that pathological
gamblers exhibit the same kinds of brain activity as do drug
addicts when exposed to stimuli associated with the addictive
behavior. In other words, for someone addicted to gambling,
neuron-chemical events perpetuate behaviors in which we engage
without our own consent, so to speak. It therefore becomes highly
worthwhile to avoid any gambling behavior or stimuli associated
with it.
If you think it's only a matter of
time until your firm discovers that the quality of your work is
suffering, and especially if it has an employee assistance program,
you might consider speaking to an EAP counselor, or someone the
firm may have designated as a contact for alcohol/drug problems.
(LCL is, of course, available as your Massachusetts lawyer
assistance program, though we will have a less clear picture of the
culture of your specific workplace.) Under the kind of policy
associated with the employee assistance model, you may get support,
and a little time, to return to your former level of functioning by
getting appropriate treatment.
Treatment may consist of a
combination of approaches: self-help (typically Gamblers
Anonymous); psychotherapy (often of a cognitive-behavioral bent,
focusing on matters such as developing strategies to cope with
urges to gamble); and possibly, medications. Antidepressants may be
helpful, especially if your mood has been affected (and we know
that gambling problems can lead to depression that is sometimes
quite severe). There has also been some research suggesting (with
mixed results) that craving-reduction medications developed for use
with opiates and alcohol may also help reduce the craving for the
next bet.
We can advise you with some
assuredness that you should not expect, at any point, to turn into
a "normal" gambler, and that getting help from others (peers and/or
professionals) is more likely to bring success than attempting to
solve the problem on your own.
Questions quoted are either
actual letters/e-mails or paraphrased and disguised concerns
expressed by individuals seeking assistance from Lawyers Concerned
for Lawyers.
Questions for LCL may be mailed
to LCL, 31 Milk St., Suite 810, Boston, MA 02109 or called in to (617) 482-9600. LCL's licensed
clinicians will respond in confidence. Visit LCL online at
www.lclma.org.